172 Days of Chipmunk. (The Break Up) Part 1

Oh well, how should I begin. This is my first break up & very hurtful though. No, this is not a 'monkey' love story. I'm 23 dude. Erm . . . It has been exactly a week since that tragic incident. What else . . I've been sitting here for almost three hours, smoking like as if my dad is Philip Morris and my mind still blank. I've been youtubing, listening to songs & watching videos, to find inspirations to update this blog story, but i find it difficult. Very difficult. Maybe because deep deep in my mind I have a mental block that do not allow me to recall the moments of the break up. Hmmm..

(After 50 minutes of Power Napping!)

My break up with Chipmunk was kind of ironic because at the verge of breaking up, we still do love each other. Even today, I still do love Chipmunk. I'm not sure for Chipmunk but I think there's a bit of heart left for me, even though Chipmunk said before that the heart has died on me. I could be wrong.

Oh, what could go wrong with our failed relationship. We message on mobile to each other everyday (even after the break up), talked on the phone, the amount of time & intimacy we shared was sufficient for us and so on. Hmm.. Yes, we do have conflicts over conflicts and later either one of us would give in.

But on 9th of December, I gave up. I just gave up. (No, this is not the end of my story. Continue to read. Yeah read on ..)

Last night as I was walking back home after meeting my 'insane' gang, i was pondering a lot about how the older generation people managed their love relationship. I'm was having two different types of views. One was the type of couples where their marriage was fated by their parents. The other was the types of mutual agreement between two lovers.

For my grandparents, they ran away from home when they were young to get married. Initially, they love each other so verily much. Opps, I'm not saying that they don't love each other now, it is just that - Erm . . Let 's just say that both of them having hard time to accommodate each other Even till date.

On the other hand, I've heard several stories of those who were match-make by their parents & still able to live happily with each other. Be it, if the parent's choice of in-law is the type of 'tea' of their children or not. Of course I'm not making a definite conclusion out of the things I see, but most of the stories I've heard & seen, is as such.

My point is, love is fate. Besides that love is out-of-the-blue. There is no such thing like your partner is correct for you or not. Even the most bitter relationship there are bound to be pleasant moments that the partners share. Like my grandparents, they did have good moments when they were young. And I believe as much as they could be angry with each other at times, they still do love each other. Actions are the true evidence of Love.

Enough of the Grandparent's stories. Literally grandparent's stories. I'll take you back to 9th December. That unfaithful night.

We were having conflict over msn that night. If one of the ethics that a journalist needs to practice is PRIVACY VS PUBLIC' S RIGHTS TO KNOW (my mass comm classmates, I'm sure you guys are familiarize with this), Chipmunk and me were arguing over PRIVACY VS BOYFRIEND' S RIGHTS TO KNOW. Chipmunk is demanding privacy and I'm demanding over the information. It does not matter who wins the law suit but, it's obvious that there was a communication problem. Screw that communication part I must say. There's a bigger problem than that. We have different believes in the principle's of relationship. Ouhk oh . . And there's when I've decided, that's the end for us.

The Problem that lies in the relationship is . . . Lies.

The lies that I told myself that the problem of compatibility (in terms of our different individual's thinking) between us would not occured again. The lies that I told myself that I would not be possessive anymore (I'm a taurean - that explains everything). At the end of the day, I've cheated myself that things are going to be alright as long as we gave in with each other. Wait a minute. If you say that as long as either one of the party willing to give in and everything's going to be alright, I'll say; stop bullshitting. At the end of the relationship, Chipmunk told me that the relationship feels like a prison. And as much as I am possessive, never I intented things to turn out to be that way. I'm sorry Chipmunk.

I told myself, maybe it's true that I'm demanding too much. Or maybe Chipmunk doings are wrong. I searched for opinions but got myself confused. More confused. So confused that I tear for the next few days of the break up. It was terrible. I even communicate with Anita the Online Psychic (as though she's real) on facebook (what am I thinking). At last, I did soul searching and my senses came back to me.

This is what the real Adifazely told me: I know it's hard to leave the relationship behind, but you are not exactly leaving the relationship behind. You are just giving up the title "boyfriend", but the Love for Chipmunk still exists. The fact that you Love Chipmunk a lot, you are willing to sacrifice it as to give Chipmunk freedom. At the same time, your priorities are going to get affected with the conflicts over conflicts. It is better to let go for now, but be back once you acheived your goals. And by that time, both you and Chipmunk will be more matured. Hopefully. Have faith in what you believe in.