Love, Lust & Friendship.

It was 3.18 am when I switched on my notebook. I was telling myself,"Okay, 10 minutes Adi. No later than that." I log in to my addicted website- Facebook to read and reply notifications which I had received. As soon as I was done, I decided browsed the "News Feed" section to get updates from my fellow friends. Then something caught my attention; My 1st ex-love, whom I broke up with 2 months ago, was already in relationship.

I was like .. " Haha, nothing surprising." Zebras can never hide their stripes, as they are born with it. I log off from Facebook & switched off my notebook. I toss & turn without realizing it was already 4.10 am. God damned it, I would be working in few hours time & still I could not sleep.

There were many things running through my mind. Partly was my ex-love relationship status, the things I had discussed with my Alfiah Gang, earlier that night and the pondering thoughts of Love & Friendship I had while I was on the back back home from gym. Oh ya, we (Alfiah Gang) were sharing our views on my "Friend-a-Fit" article and how I could improve on my blog. Then I came to realize, the whole junk that was running through my mind, were related to one another. Without wasting time, I got my ass up from the couch, leaving my two sleeping buddies aside (my pillows if you are wondering) and head to my bedroom to reach out for my treasure box.

As I was puffing away and at the same time walking in circles in the kitchen, I tried to put all my thoughts into one piece. The more I tried to analyze them, the more wisdom of thoughts flowing in my mind. It was like; you're fixing a jigsaw puzzle & out of nowhere, tonnes of other pieces threw at you to make it complete. I knew I got to hands on, as to not lose those information that I had in my mind. Instantly, I switched on my notebook again & the next thing I knew; I was blogging.

I began by reflecting the thoughts that I had on the day before. I had been pondering a lot about Love, Lust & Friendship. Bubbles of opinions first produced when I out-of-the-blue pondered "Would one chooses Love over Friendship or Friendship over Love?"

There was a particular time, I posed this question to a BFF of mine. We were playing our favourite game at our favourite spot, Alfiah Coffee-shop. It was a quiz game where we would ask each other random questions (life, political, social etc.) and when one answered, others would rate his answer in the given time frame. The winner would obviously be the one that could gave the most intelligent answer to his question. Wasn't that easy for dude. LOL.

So my question went something like this, "Imagine you are a firemen & you could only save 1 person in a fire-fight. Would you save your Best friend, that had been there for you all these while. Or your Only true Love-partner, that if you don't save him, you will never find any true Love-partner ever again."

I glowed with an evil smile when I saw my BFF stuttering in answering his question. He answered that he would save his true Love-partner. Reason being, you can find Best friend anytime.

Nice, I thought. Although it wasn't the same answer that I was thinking, his answer was still a good one. I gave him a good score. My opinion was; If I were to choose between Love and Best friend, I would choose Love. This is because, a true Love-partner consists of a Lover & a Best friend. Whereas a Best friend can only give you the best companionship but not intimacy.

That leads me to another element; Lust. What if the Love that I had found was new, and unsure if he/she could stay long in the relationship? Then I would rather choose my Best friend instead. This is because, it could be Lust that I was unconsciously looking for in my partner, when I first met him/her, and thus I had called it Love. "Love for Lust in Love" Hmm.

I'm no Guru-of-Love, but my previous 1st love had taught me about, more-or-less something that I had longed been searching for; Relationship. Not as if I'm going to die without it but, at times I feel that I need it. My "need" doesn't solely means "Sex/Making Love" but, an observer or close companion that could tell me my progress in Life. Need I remind you guys that, I'm not an expressive person or to be precise, I'm not a good communicator. I can't easily translate what I'm thinking or feeling most of the times even to my BFFs. Just simply difficult dude.

By having a partner, one could express himself & get immediate feedback on his personality. However, keeping a partner isn't as easy as it seems, thanks to the demon that called "Lust". True friends could also give you immediate opinions or feedback, however they can never be the ones that could give you a the intimate touch or entertain your queries most of the times.

The next blog I'll go in detail on Love, Lust & Friendship. Oh ya, I'm gonna give updates on "friend-a-fit" in friendship", as what I truly think of it.


Till the next blog; with Loads of Love - Adifazely.

172 Days of Chipmunk. (The Sequel) Part 2

I've talked a couple of times about Chipmunk in my blog (even though i only have 6 posts). Send Chipmunk food, watched movie together, celebrate anniversary, my thoughts for Chipmunk. . .So what's so special about this Chipmunk? For what's worth, this Chipmunk is not a cartoon character. Heehee. Chipmunk !

In this 172 Days of Chipmunk (The Sequel), I would not want to mention the sour moments that we had together, instead it is going to be easier for me to blog about the wonderful stuff about Chipmunk. What makes my heart opened at the first place. What does first love feels like. What I've learnt in Love. What has Chipmunk taught me. The naughty moments with Chipmunk . . wait - this is between us. Heehee.

3rd Day of Knowing Chipmunk: (My thoughts for Chipmunk)

- Chipmunk obssessed with me.

- Trying hard to impress, trying hard to steal my heart.

I never liked Chipmunk at the first place. I'm expecting nothing more from the first night we met. Although we shared some intimacy, but I didnt see any attraction in Chipmunk. Not my type. If you read about 172 Days of Chipmunk (The Break Up) Part 1, I'm like the kind of folks who got into relationship due to parent's choice. Of course my parents did'nt choose Chipmunk for me, but I felt that I forced myself to get in the relationship because Chipmunk was being too nice to me. Too nice that I could'nt afford to reject Chipmunk. So there I was, being in a relationship where the partner that I hoping or is not my type. Well, my friends told me that I should give it a chance. Love goes beyond looks. It's all about the heart; sincerity.

14th Day of Chipmunk: (My Doubts)

- Still indecision of should I put my heart into Chipmunk.

- Insecurities I have over Chipmunk.

29th Day of Chipmunk: (I began to slowly fall in love with Chipmunk)

- I love the fact that Chipmunk fetch me from school.

- I love Chipmunk as Chipmunk take care of me well when I am sick.

- I love Chipmunk as there's many good food that Chipmunk introduce to me (Red Ruby etc.)

42th Day of Chipmunk: (I learnt to love Chipmunk)

- I have already in love with Chipmunk

- I begin to appriciate Chipmunk

- Celebrated my first anniversary.

- We watched family guy weekly at Blue Heaven.

- Accompanied me when I was still working in my graveyard shift.

100th Day of Chipmunk: (I'm totally in Love with Chipmunk!)

- I love Chipmunk's body.

- I love the smell of Chipmunk's body.

- I love Chipmunk's hairstyle.

- I love the slap Chipmunk gave me whenever I am being irritating.

- I love the pic Chipmunk took with the late Baby.

Another words, I'm obssessed with Chipmunk.

169th Day of Chipmunk (Love = Chipmunk, Chipmunk = Love)

- We talked on phone everyday.

- I love Chipmunk's ah lian- ness. L.0.L

- The way chipmunk talks.

- Chipmunk's voice in bed. (Over the phone)

- The way Chipmunk walks. Like P _ N _ _ I N.
- The bites Chipmunk gave.

I just love every single thing about Chipmunk. Can't help it. If were compared to the 3rd day of knowing Chipmunk, I was different person.

172th of Chipmunk: Speechless.

- I gave up.

I did it out of anger & i'm really having a damn bad temper that particular week. I had 2 hours of sleep on Monday before going off to work. My school projects were getting on my nerves. Everyone around me felt the heat from me. My Sayang was no exception. However, I not only did it out of anger, but I felt that I am fighting over a valid point. In my point of view.

180th of Chipmunk: Present.

Whatever had happened, I take this love story as a sequel to my life love story. Even though I told myself a week ago that I will never be in love again, I took back my words because I know that can never happen. At the end of the day, whether Chipmunk will be together with me or not, I leave it to destiny. The time frame I gave myself & Chipmunk is kind of unrealistic. Well, like what the old folks always says; If the person you love is meant for you, he or she will be with you. I would like to take this opportunity to thank Chipmunk to show me what's love is roughly about.

For now, I try to love myself. Loving myself has somesort of makes me found a new love. The Love of Materials. I've recently went for a massive shopping to overcome this pain and I've discovered that Materials makes me happy when i felt so lonely. Watch out for my next blog, in few days time. It's about Men & Materials.

172 Days of Chipmunk. (The Break Up) Part 1

Oh well, how should I begin. This is my first break up & very hurtful though. No, this is not a 'monkey' love story. I'm 23 dude. Erm . . . It has been exactly a week since that tragic incident. What else . . I've been sitting here for almost three hours, smoking like as if my dad is Philip Morris and my mind still blank. I've been youtubing, listening to songs & watching videos, to find inspirations to update this blog story, but i find it difficult. Very difficult. Maybe because deep deep in my mind I have a mental block that do not allow me to recall the moments of the break up. Hmmm..

(After 50 minutes of Power Napping!)

My break up with Chipmunk was kind of ironic because at the verge of breaking up, we still do love each other. Even today, I still do love Chipmunk. I'm not sure for Chipmunk but I think there's a bit of heart left for me, even though Chipmunk said before that the heart has died on me. I could be wrong.

Oh, what could go wrong with our failed relationship. We message on mobile to each other everyday (even after the break up), talked on the phone, the amount of time & intimacy we shared was sufficient for us and so on. Hmm.. Yes, we do have conflicts over conflicts and later either one of us would give in.

But on 9th of December, I gave up. I just gave up. (No, this is not the end of my story. Continue to read. Yeah read on ..)

Last night as I was walking back home after meeting my 'insane' gang, i was pondering a lot about how the older generation people managed their love relationship. I'm was having two different types of views. One was the type of couples where their marriage was fated by their parents. The other was the types of mutual agreement between two lovers.

For my grandparents, they ran away from home when they were young to get married. Initially, they love each other so verily much. Opps, I'm not saying that they don't love each other now, it is just that - Erm . . Let 's just say that both of them having hard time to accommodate each other Even till date.

On the other hand, I've heard several stories of those who were match-make by their parents & still able to live happily with each other. Be it, if the parent's choice of in-law is the type of 'tea' of their children or not. Of course I'm not making a definite conclusion out of the things I see, but most of the stories I've heard & seen, is as such.

My point is, love is fate. Besides that love is out-of-the-blue. There is no such thing like your partner is correct for you or not. Even the most bitter relationship there are bound to be pleasant moments that the partners share. Like my grandparents, they did have good moments when they were young. And I believe as much as they could be angry with each other at times, they still do love each other. Actions are the true evidence of Love.

Enough of the Grandparent's stories. Literally grandparent's stories. I'll take you back to 9th December. That unfaithful night.

We were having conflict over msn that night. If one of the ethics that a journalist needs to practice is PRIVACY VS PUBLIC' S RIGHTS TO KNOW (my mass comm classmates, I'm sure you guys are familiarize with this), Chipmunk and me were arguing over PRIVACY VS BOYFRIEND' S RIGHTS TO KNOW. Chipmunk is demanding privacy and I'm demanding over the information. It does not matter who wins the law suit but, it's obvious that there was a communication problem. Screw that communication part I must say. There's a bigger problem than that. We have different believes in the principle's of relationship. Ouhk oh . . And there's when I've decided, that's the end for us.

The Problem that lies in the relationship is . . . Lies.

The lies that I told myself that the problem of compatibility (in terms of our different individual's thinking) between us would not occured again. The lies that I told myself that I would not be possessive anymore (I'm a taurean - that explains everything). At the end of the day, I've cheated myself that things are going to be alright as long as we gave in with each other. Wait a minute. If you say that as long as either one of the party willing to give in and everything's going to be alright, I'll say; stop bullshitting. At the end of the relationship, Chipmunk told me that the relationship feels like a prison. And as much as I am possessive, never I intented things to turn out to be that way. I'm sorry Chipmunk.

I told myself, maybe it's true that I'm demanding too much. Or maybe Chipmunk doings are wrong. I searched for opinions but got myself confused. More confused. So confused that I tear for the next few days of the break up. It was terrible. I even communicate with Anita the Online Psychic (as though she's real) on facebook (what am I thinking). At last, I did soul searching and my senses came back to me.

This is what the real Adifazely told me: I know it's hard to leave the relationship behind, but you are not exactly leaving the relationship behind. You are just giving up the title "boyfriend", but the Love for Chipmunk still exists. The fact that you Love Chipmunk a lot, you are willing to sacrifice it as to give Chipmunk freedom. At the same time, your priorities are going to get affected with the conflicts over conflicts. It is better to let go for now, but be back once you acheived your goals. And by that time, both you and Chipmunk will be more matured. Hopefully. Have faith in what you believe in.