The Silence

(This article is going to be boring-&-dry compared to others. I am going to blabber what I had encounter few weeks back till hours ago. Feel free to press the exit button if you feel that it is going to waste at most 5 minutes of your precious life.)

I was having late "coffee-ing" with my circle of close friends at KTM hours back. We were chatting a couple of hot issues, gossips, rumours and some common stuffs that we would usually talk about during our meet up. I was being myself ;chatting, irritating & inter-framing their conversations when suddenly I had the urged to have my nicotine-intake. I began to tap both sides of my pockets to locate my treasure box. To my surprised, it wasn't in any of the both pockets.

I was like "Where's my cigarettes?"

"You were smoking just now. Where did you placed it?" Daniel replied.

I recalled hard. Yes, I did smoke and remember placing it back in my pants pocket. Where on earth it had disappeared to. I walked around the area in case I had dropped it somewhere else. I was hoping that they would play punk'ed on me & placed it on the table, right before my eyes once I'm back on my seat. Sadly, it didn't happened.

Oh my, I remembered that minutes ago a sweeper had swept around the area & next to my seat. Most probably my inhalers had slipped from my left pocket, which had happened couple of times, & dropped on the floor, thus it had been swept by the sweeper.

Gosh, that period of time, I felt so pissed with myself and being overreacting by making it a big fuss. Sitting quietly with my folded arms , I began to cross my right leg over and shook it hard. I stared sharply to one direction while imagining I was overturning all of the empty tables to vent my anger. Of course it didn't happen. (I can be self-destructive, like a time bomb, when I've gone mad).

I'm making a BIG fuss over it because: That's my last box before my upcoming pay, in days time.

Can't afford to get another as this month, my hard work $$$ had gone to the mall's cashier box. (Read my article on "Shopping with Mr Goldfish")

As the sense of anger still lingering, I remained silence throughout the whole journey back home. But at the midst of anger and being silence, a thought came out to me. I realized that after all these times, I'm just being denial by telling myself that "A New Year is a New Beginning". It was bullshit actually. I still couldn't get over my break up & still depressing about it at times. Hence I had been depending heavily on cigarettes to let go of the stress.

There's when a wisdom strikes me "A New Beginning is When One has a New Thinking". And I realized that, when every time I'm angry and being silence, my senses would come back to me. It would reminds me of the near future or present issues that I should be concerned of. My studies, career and taekwondo.

To: Zahid. As much as I want to heed your advice like having a good time hanging out with you guys to let go my past year bad memories, I just simply can't. The good times I have would only erase the sadness temporarily. (Like the Shopping Spree I had last month) . Once I'm alone, it will haunt me & only me can stop the Monster.

To: Malik. Don't worry dude, I will be fine. Don't need professional help. I believe I'm strong enough to overcome this myself. Only self-progression in the things I do would kill the pain.

To: Rizal. I have already increase the font of the blog. Feedback me if you still can't read it.

To: Daniel. Thanks for the concerned and approached. You're a good friend.

To: Heder. :) Your "Puake-ness" I will miss a lot.

I'll keep blogging, blogging & blogging to keep you guys update for now. I really want to be alone for the time being.




Till the next blog. Loads of Love; Adifazely.