172 Days of Chipmunk. (The Break Up) Part 1

Oh well, how should I begin. This is my first break up & very hurtful though. No, this is not a 'monkey' love story. I'm 23 dude. Erm . . . It has been exactly a week since that tragic incident. What else . . I've been sitting here for almost three hours, smoking like as if my dad is Philip Morris and my mind still blank. I've been youtubing, listening to songs & watching videos, to find inspirations to update this blog story, but i find it difficult. Very difficult. Maybe because deep deep in my mind I have a mental block that do not allow me to recall the moments of the break up. Hmmm..

(After 50 minutes of Power Napping!)

My break up with Chipmunk was kind of ironic because at the verge of breaking up, we still do love each other. Even today, I still do love Chipmunk. I'm not sure for Chipmunk but I think there's a bit of heart left for me, even though Chipmunk said before that the heart has died on me. I could be wrong.

Oh, what could go wrong with our failed relationship. We message on mobile to each other everyday (even after the break up), talked on the phone, the amount of time & intimacy we shared was sufficient for us and so on. Hmm.. Yes, we do have conflicts over conflicts and later either one of us would give in.

But on 9th of December, I gave up. I just gave up. (No, this is not the end of my story. Continue to read. Yeah read on ..)

Last night as I was walking back home after meeting my 'insane' gang, i was pondering a lot about how the older generation people managed their love relationship. I'm was having two different types of views. One was the type of couples where their marriage was fated by their parents. The other was the types of mutual agreement between two lovers.

For my grandparents, they ran away from home when they were young to get married. Initially, they love each other so verily much. Opps, I'm not saying that they don't love each other now, it is just that - Erm . . Let 's just say that both of them having hard time to accommodate each other Even till date.

On the other hand, I've heard several stories of those who were match-make by their parents & still able to live happily with each other. Be it, if the parent's choice of in-law is the type of 'tea' of their children or not. Of course I'm not making a definite conclusion out of the things I see, but most of the stories I've heard & seen, is as such.

My point is, love is fate. Besides that love is out-of-the-blue. There is no such thing like your partner is correct for you or not. Even the most bitter relationship there are bound to be pleasant moments that the partners share. Like my grandparents, they did have good moments when they were young. And I believe as much as they could be angry with each other at times, they still do love each other. Actions are the true evidence of Love.

Enough of the Grandparent's stories. Literally grandparent's stories. I'll take you back to 9th December. That unfaithful night.

We were having conflict over msn that night. If one of the ethics that a journalist needs to practice is PRIVACY VS PUBLIC' S RIGHTS TO KNOW (my mass comm classmates, I'm sure you guys are familiarize with this), Chipmunk and me were arguing over PRIVACY VS BOYFRIEND' S RIGHTS TO KNOW. Chipmunk is demanding privacy and I'm demanding over the information. It does not matter who wins the law suit but, it's obvious that there was a communication problem. Screw that communication part I must say. There's a bigger problem than that. We have different believes in the principle's of relationship. Ouhk oh . . And there's when I've decided, that's the end for us.

The Problem that lies in the relationship is . . . Lies.

The lies that I told myself that the problem of compatibility (in terms of our different individual's thinking) between us would not occured again. The lies that I told myself that I would not be possessive anymore (I'm a taurean - that explains everything). At the end of the day, I've cheated myself that things are going to be alright as long as we gave in with each other. Wait a minute. If you say that as long as either one of the party willing to give in and everything's going to be alright, I'll say; stop bullshitting. At the end of the relationship, Chipmunk told me that the relationship feels like a prison. And as much as I am possessive, never I intented things to turn out to be that way. I'm sorry Chipmunk.

I told myself, maybe it's true that I'm demanding too much. Or maybe Chipmunk doings are wrong. I searched for opinions but got myself confused. More confused. So confused that I tear for the next few days of the break up. It was terrible. I even communicate with Anita the Online Psychic (as though she's real) on facebook (what am I thinking). At last, I did soul searching and my senses came back to me.

This is what the real Adifazely told me: I know it's hard to leave the relationship behind, but you are not exactly leaving the relationship behind. You are just giving up the title "boyfriend", but the Love for Chipmunk still exists. The fact that you Love Chipmunk a lot, you are willing to sacrifice it as to give Chipmunk freedom. At the same time, your priorities are going to get affected with the conflicts over conflicts. It is better to let go for now, but be back once you acheived your goals. And by that time, both you and Chipmunk will be more matured. Hopefully. Have faith in what you believe in.

Nirvana Strikes Me Out of Randomness - 27/10/2009

It was on Monday. I'm feeling no different from most workers out there that thinks the beginning day of the week, is the worst. It's blue, devastating, exhausted, engine turns rusty - you name it. The most heart-aching part is to see the pile of workload, besides your employer face, that you've kept before the weekend begins due to out of excitement & anxiety for the activities instore for you.

Oh well, there i was looking hagard, sloppy on my dressing & total-ly unmotivated. Oh ya, most of the times i would have lack of sleep the nite before Monday. That day was worst; i had only 3 hours of sleep before work. Poor me. Anyway, while i was staring blankly on my computer screen waiting for my computer to start, my mentor that sits directly behind me - Madam Poon, tapped me from the back.

"Eh, that time you said you want the table cover right?"

"Ya . . ." I replied while focusing the thing she carried along with her.

"Nah, here's for you" She said, smiling.

I was flabbergasted for a moment. I have always wanted the thick acrylic table cover that she has on her personal desk. I thank her so much & placed it vertically against the wall, on top of my desk. It is about 2 metres long with a width of 1 metre. The purpose of the transparent plastic cover is actually to protect the office desk from scratches or stains. However, i've got other subtle motives to it. I've decided to use it as a partition thus other staffs wouldnt realized if i'm dozing off. I don't care if any of them caught me sleeping as long as not dozing off. I just look ridiculous & pathetic when i dozed off. Well, who doesnt.

As i was staring motionless at the hard-plastic, a thought came into my mind; Since i'm using it as a partition, i might as well make full use of it. I began to visualize the stuffs i would attached to it. Creativity started to spread in my mind like an ink drop that fall upon a bowl of plain water. After loads ideas created in my mind, i snapped myself back into the reality. There's where i received the enlightenment.

I began to realize that i have not been appriciating life so far. I did not put my family as a priority after all these years, i did not focus much on the important things, like my work & studies, that i am juggling presently, and i did not make good use of the time i have to improve & upgrade myself. At the same time, i began to feel that the things i need in life is just right infront of my eyes and it is just the matter of - Do i want to make it happen?

Honestly, i do not know what the old plastic table cover got to do with this enlightenment. It is not as if i took time to do self-reflection and got the thoughts above, the thoughts of enlightenment just striked me as soon i stopped my visualization. I'm wondering, could there be a physcological explaination for this? Or the whole thing was just coincidence that the enlightenment just hit me out of the blue? What i'm sure of is that this enlightenments have been send from above.

Language Barrier in Transportation Service = Disaster !!

It was a warm, quiet-peaceful evening. The sun just set, allowing the moon to shine even brighter. Office workers were almost seen everywhere; either alone or with their colleagues. The train commuters were all generally seemed relaxed, not as tensed as what they looked like on every morning; regardless what day of the week. Out of the decentness, there I was to be seen hustling my way from the Bukit Batok MRT Station to the nearest bus stop. With me, I was carrying a couple of packed food for my love-Chipmunk. I need to rush because I was chasing for time as i was working later in that evening.

"Hmm . . Which bus heads to my destination. ." I asked myself as beads of perspiration rolled through my whole body. My heart beats hard & fast like the african musicians playing their drums. As my eyes wandering around looking at the bus destination information board, bus 188 came to alight. I rushed to the bus captain to put at end to my doubtness. Here's how our conversation went. .

"Uncle, does this bus takes me to Fire Station?" I asked.

"Err . . Fi-re Sta-tion . ."He muttered as if he's trying to recall the bus route.

"Ya, Fire Station." I repeat patiently.

"Err . . " He began to tilt his head to the right a little bit & his eyes shrinked as he frowned.

"Ya, the fire station. The one located near Chua Chu Kang." I began to panicked.

The middle-age man was still clueless. This went for around 3 minutes. I then began to realized there were at least more than 30 passengers in the bus staring at me as if i'm haulting the bus for no good reason. His next sentence not only made my head glowed red, but it made my heart almost explode. Illiterally.

"Me . . no-english" He said politely at the same time looking embrassed.

I was stunned. This statement is such a cliche in my full-time work place. At the same time i was like, What the heck? Our fellow Bus Captain couldnt communicate Singapore's National Language. Oh, what a shame. To be frank that was not my only encounter. I had another two occasions where bus captains just doesnt know to speak simple english.

At the end of the day, i'm facing cultural shock in my own country. I guess gone by the days where we could find friendly local bus captains that not only would inform us the route of destination when we are in doubt, but also would alert us when the bus stop that we wanted to alight has come near. Poor Singaporeans, at least for the minorities. Where has the effort in Speaking Good english campaign has flushed to?

My Movie Review: (500) Days of Summer

Rating: 4.7/5

Duration: 95 mins

Main Actors: Zooey Deschanel (Summer) and Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Tom)

Producer: Mason Novick

Best watch with: Your Gf/Bf, Ex-s, flings - (the ones that expect more from you) but definitely not your parents. Parents these days just dont get what love means in this millenium.

Best Targetted Audience: The Broken hearts.

What is the story about? Boy meets girl, fall in love. The girl - Summer (Deschanel), doesnt believe this thing called Love. This is because she comes from a divorcee family & experience the affections from her parents divorce. Whereas for the guy - Tom (Gordon-Levitt), has always believe in Love & looking for one. They met in their office when Summer been got a post there. Their job has bonded them & they end up as domestic partners. Tom always wanted to be in a relationship with Summer but Summer doesnt want any string attached. It comes to one day when Summer moved to different state & there's where she left Tom. Devastated, Tom cant get over Summer. He lost focus in his job & soon lost it all. Somehow fate brought Tom meet Summer again. By that time Tom discovered that she's getting married. . That left him hanging how Summer has contradicted herself with her beliefs in Love. Ending? You gotta catch it yourself.

Techniques of the Movie. Flashback all the way. Too many flashbacks that makes them to lose 0.3 marks from me. Hehe. Despite that, I must say that the producer has used the flashback technique wisely. Every flashback tells different situations & every switch of flashbacks there's a direct link to it. For example at one scene, it showed that the two love birds were enjoying time at ikea (pretending that the whole display of items over there were their's) but the subsequent scene, it showed that Tom were trying to play an act in ikea, like what they used to, but Summer just not interested anymore - unlike the first scene. Nice.

The Significant of the Movie. Unlike any other love story, (500) Days of Summer have gone beyond viewers expectation of the movie. In a good way. This movie plays many emotions that one could relate their love life with. It contains humour, sadness and others. Of course not suspense. My expectation of the movie genre was purely comedical type (because the few seconds when the film been played, it has cracked laughter in the cinema) but i was terribely wrong.

The Moral of the Story. One of the reason I fall in love with this movie because, this story could relate to the reality love story; when one been left by his/her lover, he/she feeling despaired & at the end of the day, only time would heal the pain. Besides that, it also tells the viewers that love is all about fate. Which I believe many people out there tend to forget this. Just see the increasing rates of suicide cases where the suicidal did it out of broken love.

My Experience When Watching the Movie. Enjoyable. This is because I watched it with my love Chipmunk ^^. There's one time Chipmunk whispered the phase that Summer said to Tom & what Chipmunk always tell me off when i asked insignificant question - "Its not important, dont asked" I kinda noticed that the movie would cracked the viewers after showing an an emotional/ heart warming scene. I guess this is one of a good techniques that the producer has used as well.

Bottom Line: You Got to Watch It !!

What the Hell am I doing Here? This is my first blog & am pretty excited about it. Well, there's too many things has happened in my life recently, that I feel I need space & channel to express myself. After all my Good friends a.k.a Alfiah gang has been saying i'm a man of "no expression". So yeah, i guess this is a good start to uncover the gems & debris that lies in me. Enjoy reading^^

Who is Adifazely? Well, i'm the type of guy that hardly have personal time for myself. Basically because i'm literally working 7 days per week & 1 day off on every alternate weeks. No life huh? Not really in my point of view. As long as i am enjoying the things i do in life, i have no regrets. So what am i doing now? I have a full-time job (office hour), part-time job (weekend heroe), part-time study at MDIS (Mass Communication), taekwondo practice at JH Kim Institute & taking up bike licence soon. How do i cope? Simply by pushing myself to my maximum. Each of the things i've planned to pursue means alot to me. My only concern is, at times i would lose focus & tend to take unnecessary break for myself. And this is bad for any Ambitious person.

Love Life? I'm deeply in love with Chipmunk. This is my first Love & i have to admit, things are not going easy for me at times. Be it i'm in love with the right person or not, it is worth to experience & explore. Every pain i've encountered so far has break me into pieces. But everytime when i managed to recover the pain & pushed myself to polish my imperfections, i find that i'm becoming a wiser & stronger person. It is kind of Self-improvement for myself. Hopefully, Chipmunk allows me to stay longer in this "Ship".

This is just my introduction for now. I would very soon update my blog once i'm back from a gOod jog. Need to clear those headaches away after my slideshow didnt manage to pop-out. Argh.. technical problems. Till then, keep up with the updates & would appriciate much if you guys would drop-in comments. Ciaoz for now.