The Infamous: A Tribute to Victims of Sex Video Phones Speculation.

[What Inspired me to blog this tribute? The increasing trends of sex video speculations, without the acknowledge of the involving sex parties, which resulted in increasing rate of suicides or destroying one's life. Besides that, I have two beautiful younger sisters, which I pray everyday that, they won't be victims of these inhumane speculation.]

I was reading updates from Facebook till I came across a post that talked about a current sex scandal video featuring one of our local ex-Mediacorp actress. Being kay-po, I clicked on the post to get their whole conversation. It was not long before I figured out who was the actress that they were mentioning about. Wasting no time, I began to google her name up to find out how true was the info. Then I found out, the story was actually appeared in the last Thursday paper.

Hmm. I paused. I read the whole article. I felt sad. I felt for her so bad not because she was a celebrity but, what if (touch wood!) she was my sister or this were to happen to my own sister. How am I, as a brother, able to walk down the streets receiving unwanted stares from strangers that knew about my sister's Infamous video. How am I, as brother, able to defend or stay by my sister side, when my own family members bad talked about my sister during a family gathering. How am I, as a brother, going to give moral support to my sister, at the same time controlling my anger, after all the shame she had brought to the family. I pondered till I almost teared. I still remember the every first video that featured two Malay students that were having sex at scene of a staircase. As My heterosexual friends were getting aroused from the Infamous video, I felt disgusted. Same thing was running through my mind; What if ..

As soon as I snapped out of my pondering, I lie besides my sister, she was 3 years younger than me, that was on the couch- busy playing her Facebook game and told her about this matter. As soon as I finished my lecture, she turned her focused from her notebook and looked amazed.

"She actually did that?" asked my sister, Sheila.

"Yup.. Oh Come on, don't be surprised. Celebrities are not angels after all. They have their mistakes & imperfections. But they supposed to be a Role Models for their fans," I replied in relation to the recent sex scandal story.

"Whatever it is, I'm telling you this so that you would know ... " I widened my eyes as I mentioned the last word of my sentence.

"Ya.. Ya.. I know. And as much as you are concerned about me, I am concerned about you as well," She mocked me with her sweet vicious smile.

I cracked up. "You know me well, honey." I replied to her before I stood up & stole one of her cigarettes.

If I were to give an advice to young adult couples about "Love Making" session recorded on video phone, I would tell them; "It is Always A-okay to record it, But Never A-okay to keep it." If they were smart enough to record it, they should be smart enough to delete it, & know why was it dangerous to keep such video.


Why Is It A-Okay to Record It?

I lost my virginity as early as 14 (something that I wasn't proud of) and always believe that, "Love-Making" session is a Beautiful thing. It is true when they say that "When you're in Love, the heart speaks with the heart, no words required for us to say."

I remembered there was a particular time, I had I recorded my Love Making session with my only ex-love and it was somewhat weird, but nice FOR US to view it. After viewing, both of us agreed that the passion in the "Love-Making" and it was just priceless. It was just that, I got a hard slapped on the head, Ouch!, when I jokingly told my ex-love that, "Damn, you could pass as a Hot Porn-star."

After watching it, both of us come to same thinking that the video MUST be destroyed. And obviously we didn't use video phone, oh come on; Video phone is such a child's play. We used my notebook- The bigger, the better baby..

Okay enough said of my experience. Back to the topic. My advice to you girls out there, please be careful with this increasing trends of video phone thingy. Like what Jason Mraz sang.. "Our Name is Our Virtue .." It would really bring great pain to my eyes, especially your parents & family- not forgetting race, to watch you girls trying to be naughty for the obvious wrong reason. If you decided to recorded it with your partner, just to see how funny your boyfriend face when he reached to his stage of Nirvana, Please don't forget to Delete it off. For Heaven sake.

Lastly, Never trusted your boyfriend when he said that he would keep the video with full-responsibility. This is simply because; Men are not Only Ego but They are Careless at times. Most of times for me. So ya, Be Safe Never Keep Your Sex Video. I couldn't emphasize more than this.


Till my next Blog; With Loads of Love - Adifazely.


[This is a message to a Friend, or acquaintance for now, who decided to say Goodbye to my circle of friends recently; you know who you are.

Erm dude, I still remember what you told me before when I told you that ..

"No matter how we quarreled with each other, we (Alfiah gang) would still, at the end of the day, be good with each other again"

And you replied something like, "It's good that you guys maintained the good relationship with each other."

I truly hope that you would take back your Goodbye, if you are a man of your words. Maybe you might not want to chat with me anymore, which I could understand why, but at least not to the others. Because they don't deserve it. Well, I could be full of crap at times, (who doesn't anyway), so ya la.. I think I have done my part since it was My Fault for your leave. Till then, take care. - Adifazely]

Love, Lust & Friendship.

It was 3.18 am when I switched on my notebook. I was telling myself,"Okay, 10 minutes Adi. No later than that." I log in to my addicted website- Facebook to read and reply notifications which I had received. As soon as I was done, I decided browsed the "News Feed" section to get updates from my fellow friends. Then something caught my attention; My 1st ex-love, whom I broke up with 2 months ago, was already in relationship.

I was like .. " Haha, nothing surprising." Zebras can never hide their stripes, as they are born with it. I log off from Facebook & switched off my notebook. I toss & turn without realizing it was already 4.10 am. God damned it, I would be working in few hours time & still I could not sleep.

There were many things running through my mind. Partly was my ex-love relationship status, the things I had discussed with my Alfiah Gang, earlier that night and the pondering thoughts of Love & Friendship I had while I was on the back back home from gym. Oh ya, we (Alfiah Gang) were sharing our views on my "Friend-a-Fit" article and how I could improve on my blog. Then I came to realize, the whole junk that was running through my mind, were related to one another. Without wasting time, I got my ass up from the couch, leaving my two sleeping buddies aside (my pillows if you are wondering) and head to my bedroom to reach out for my treasure box.

As I was puffing away and at the same time walking in circles in the kitchen, I tried to put all my thoughts into one piece. The more I tried to analyze them, the more wisdom of thoughts flowing in my mind. It was like; you're fixing a jigsaw puzzle & out of nowhere, tonnes of other pieces threw at you to make it complete. I knew I got to hands on, as to not lose those information that I had in my mind. Instantly, I switched on my notebook again & the next thing I knew; I was blogging.

I began by reflecting the thoughts that I had on the day before. I had been pondering a lot about Love, Lust & Friendship. Bubbles of opinions first produced when I out-of-the-blue pondered "Would one chooses Love over Friendship or Friendship over Love?"

There was a particular time, I posed this question to a BFF of mine. We were playing our favourite game at our favourite spot, Alfiah Coffee-shop. It was a quiz game where we would ask each other random questions (life, political, social etc.) and when one answered, others would rate his answer in the given time frame. The winner would obviously be the one that could gave the most intelligent answer to his question. Wasn't that easy for dude. LOL.

So my question went something like this, "Imagine you are a firemen & you could only save 1 person in a fire-fight. Would you save your Best friend, that had been there for you all these while. Or your Only true Love-partner, that if you don't save him, you will never find any true Love-partner ever again."

I glowed with an evil smile when I saw my BFF stuttering in answering his question. He answered that he would save his true Love-partner. Reason being, you can find Best friend anytime.

Nice, I thought. Although it wasn't the same answer that I was thinking, his answer was still a good one. I gave him a good score. My opinion was; If I were to choose between Love and Best friend, I would choose Love. This is because, a true Love-partner consists of a Lover & a Best friend. Whereas a Best friend can only give you the best companionship but not intimacy.

That leads me to another element; Lust. What if the Love that I had found was new, and unsure if he/she could stay long in the relationship? Then I would rather choose my Best friend instead. This is because, it could be Lust that I was unconsciously looking for in my partner, when I first met him/her, and thus I had called it Love. "Love for Lust in Love" Hmm.

I'm no Guru-of-Love, but my previous 1st love had taught me about, more-or-less something that I had longed been searching for; Relationship. Not as if I'm going to die without it but, at times I feel that I need it. My "need" doesn't solely means "Sex/Making Love" but, an observer or close companion that could tell me my progress in Life. Need I remind you guys that, I'm not an expressive person or to be precise, I'm not a good communicator. I can't easily translate what I'm thinking or feeling most of the times even to my BFFs. Just simply difficult dude.

By having a partner, one could express himself & get immediate feedback on his personality. However, keeping a partner isn't as easy as it seems, thanks to the demon that called "Lust". True friends could also give you immediate opinions or feedback, however they can never be the ones that could give you a the intimate touch or entertain your queries most of the times.

The next blog I'll go in detail on Love, Lust & Friendship. Oh ya, I'm gonna give updates on "friend-a-fit" in friendship", as what I truly think of it.


Till the next blog; with Loads of Love - Adifazely.

Semoga Bahagia - May You Achieve Happiness.

I stepped into the stage & quickly sat on the bright crimson cushion chair that all been set for me. I brushed the huge black-silky organ with my bare hands at one go, while finding some comfort in such a limited time. I had became the object of attention. I took a deep breath before allowing those 10 fingers of mine to press the keys. As soon as I started to play a few notes, it felt like I was being possessed by a force that overcomes all my fears that I had initially.

So what songs I played? Oh, I played the same old medley that I usually played repetitively at the same place. I started off with "Bintang Kecil - A Malay Lullaby Song", followed by "An Jing " - Jay Chou, then Lee Hom "Kiss Good Bye & Wei Yi", next "Bengawan Solo" - the Malay & Chinese Version and so on.

As I was indulging in my own world, I received an unwanted interruption from an expected person. "Oi.. Brother! Can you stop splashing water all over the place. Some of the water had leaked from the bathroom!" screamed the one that I called; the little Discipline Master of the house. She was my 17 year old youngest sister.

"Okay.. I'll splashed more!" I screamed in my reply to irritated her. "Hmm.. Where was I?" I began to recall those favourite songs of mine, before coming a complete end to my medley, which subsequently would end my evening shower. As I was shivering naked recalling for songs, the song "Semoga Bahagia" by Our Late Zubir Said, strikes my mind.

Oh ya, I love to sing old or classic songs while showering. Back then, most of the songs were simply evergreen, unlike today. But the song "Semoga Bahagia" was different. The song not only evergreen- in my own opinion but, it has many basic moral values stated in that song, that I felt we adults tend to forget or being ignorant over it at times. Every time when I hear people singing that song, especially children, I would feel touched. Reminisces of my primary school days would be playing in my mind, hence smiles would breed from it.

So what's the song about? The song depicts the values that youths should possess, and it also encourages youth to pursue their dreams, prove their value to the world, and wishes them success and happiness. On top of that, this song teaches one to honour/respect one's tradition & custom with full pride. Look around you today, I must say that moral values of youngsters today are depleting. And most tradition or custom practices are no longer or little being practiced. It is indeed a sad thing because in a way, we are losing the roots of our tradition and culture. Liberalization from the influence of western cultures or mixed cultures are Greatly the caused of it.

When I was browsing Youtube in looking for the song for this blog, I come to realize that back in 2006 NDP, Suria Singing Competition Champ- Hyrul Anwar, had sang the song differently. It was either he forgot the lyrics hence he made up by himself- which unlikely the case, or most probably the lyrics been changed due to suit the rhythm of his version. I think it is a form of disrespect to change any song writers lyrics. Furthermore, I believe that the song "Semoga Bahagia" was perfectly written; So what's there to amend? Shame brother.. shame.

Hmm... Why do I love the song? This because as you can see, I'm a dreamer. A dreamer that dreamed living in his own world. Once the real world catch up with me, I'm back to the same working class employee that needs to break away from his job to be what he has desired for his career. No, I don't want to be a singer, because I know I can't sing .. hehe, but a _ _ _ _ _ _ L_ _ _ actually I want to be. Not telling you for now. Every time when I feel lazy or feel like giving up in my dreams, I would listen to that song, as a motivation for me to push on. It helps me a lot.

I shall end my blog by the lyrics & translation of the Song :
( I know Some of you Guys would Sing Along. Hehe)

Malay lyrics

Semoga Bahagia ( Children's Day Song )

Sama-sama maju ke hadapan

Pandai cari pelajaran

Jaga diri dalam kesihatan

Serta sopan-santun dengan kawan-kawan

Dengan hati bersih serta suci

Sama-sama hormat dan berbudi

Jaga tingkah pemuda-pemudi

Adat dan budaya junjung tinggi

Capailah lekas cita-cita pemudi-pemuda

Supaya kita ada harga di mata dunia

Kalau kita lengah serta lupa

Hidup kita sia-sia

Jiwa besar sihat serta segar

Rajin dengan sabar tentu bahagia

Lemah lembut perangai pemudi

Cergas tangkas wataknya pemuda

Suka rela selalu berbakti

Sikap yang pembela dan berjasa

Capailah nama yang mulia pemudi-pemuda

Rajinlah supaya berjaya semoga bahagia

English

May You Achieve Happiness

Together we progress

Clever at seeking knowledge

Take care of your health

And be courteous to your friends

With a clean and pure heart

We respect and do good to each other

Watch your behaviour, oh youths

Respect and honour your customs and traditions

Quickly reach your goals/dreams, oh youths

So that we'll have our worth, in this world

If we are lazy and forgetful

Our lives are worthless

A big heart and a fresh mind

Hardworking and patience definitely brings success/happiness

Soft-spoken is the lady

Energetic and tenacious is the man

Charitable, always contributing

Having a righteous spirit and doing good

Attain a respectable position, oh youths

Be hardworking so that you will succeed, may you achieve happiness

Till the next blog; with Loads of Love - Adifazely.

Sexy.

The long hand tells me that it was 10 minutes before the witching hour. As I was browsing through pictures of the unknowns in my facebook "friend list", I happened to come across some pictures that I find them 'Sexy'. There's where I paused and asked myself; "In what ways you find the pictures 'Sexy'? Or how do you define 'Sexy'?". I've figured it out as soon as I puffed at my last cigarette for the night, before flicking it off. 'Sexy' is about one portraying his/her sex appeal naturally without doing it deliberately. To be done intentionally or not, the remark of one's 'sexiness' still lies in the eyes of the Beholder.

I've read before a book about a particular tattoo artist. Damn, I've forgotten his name. Anyway, have you wonder why guys (certain guys at least) find pretty girls that smoke sexy? You could see this scenario in movies etc. Many guys would find them sexy, without knowing the psychological logic behind it. You could be mesmerized by a pretty girl that smoke and gave her piercing sight of you, probably in a pub, because she's portraying an image of; I'm young, I'm a girl. So what if I smoke? So what if it could brings danger to my health? I don't care at all. You would then won't hesitate to get near her.

Got to sleep now. Good Nite to You 'Sexy' little Creatures out there. Stay Sexy Always. ^^.

Till the next blog; with Loads of Love - Adifazely.

Friend-A-Fit : Would You Allow Your Friend to Touch Your Disco Stick?

Okay, For the Record of those who do not know what's the meaning of "friend-a-fit", Friend-A-Fit means having "friends with benefits" such as you can have sex, kiss, hold hands, cuddle and do things that couples do in relationships but you have no emotional attachments. You don't have to care about their feelings being hurt when you are with another person. And they shouldn't be hurt too. (According to "Urban Dictionary" - online.)

To start this proper, I would like to say "I Believe in Friend-A-Fit !!" Hehe. I know I need not be overexcited in telling the Public this, but I'm still trying to make my stand & point over yesterday debate with my "Alfiah Coffeeshop Gang".

Here's How the Debate Went On Yesterday ...

"How could you have sex with your own friends .. You're making you're friend like a slave," Zahid Mendoza said as he still holding on to his cup of less sugar coffee while the whole debate was going on. Don't ask me why.

"No! In what way I will make my friend like a slave? It is not as if I would practice Master & Slave on them during the Lust making session," I said that as my defense statement.

"Adi, if you were to do with friends that are not so close to you, it's Ok," Rizal Abdul Karim said while having his arms folded.

Heder Monteiro then nodded his head to agree with Rizal Abdul Karim.

"It's not the matter of the proximate level of friendship that you have with your friends, it's about satisfying your Lust & your friend's Lust," I replied with a stern voice in order to make my point more concrete.

"If that's the case, I'm sorry to tell you this but, you simply don't have any principles in life," Zahid Mendoza said bluntly.

I raised my both hands up and in ironic amusement laughter I said, "What? Because of that I do not have principles in Life??."

"Donita" was there too. He was indeed speechless & clueless, and probably shocked about the whole debate. Still, with a Big Bro image he portrayed, he remained cool & steady. Way to go Boy!

Oh well, enough with the debate. I shall share with you readers, based on my personal experience, 5 Top Reasons of why "Friend-A-Fit" is A-Okay in this Civic Minded Society.

(Not in any particular Order.. But the no. 5 is the Most Priority. Hehe.)

1) Better Friendship. First of all, the higher the level of intimacy you have with your friend, is the closer your friendship you will have with your friend. This is because, you have removed the personal space boundaries with him/her. You allow him to enter the personal space which, you would distance yourself from others, due to your insecurities, trust & safety.

2) Healthy Sex. Okay, We Human Beings are horny at times. For the Hardcore ones, it would be every minute of their lives. (Haha!) Anyway, we could practice healthy sex because as you know, the rate of STD & Aids are increasing every second as the clock ticks. And We are all immune to have it if; we were to wake up one day & realized that for some human-nature-call reason we are horny, and decided to go chat channels for some hook-up. While some others, usually the old ugly people, would look for prostitutes for it. Hence, if the hook-ups that we met up or the prostitutes that the old ugly people look for has STD or Aids .... (Please help me to complete the sentence & don't forget to touch "Wood").

So, doing with friends are healthy because, 1 thing for safety sure; Our Friends Won't Want to Harm Us If They Know They Have It.

3) Genuine Feedback. In One Night Stand, most partners find it difficult to give their "ONS" party a genuine feedback of the sex that they had had. This is because, most of them probably don't bother as it is just; One Night Only thingy. Talking about this, I remembered years back when someone was giving me a Blow, it hurts my Disco Stick so much because my ONS partner had irregular set of teeth. I was like; Ouch baby, Please be a freak for a year or two to put on aluminum metal sheets on your teeth so that in future, you won't hurt others. Of course I didn't tell that off.

4) Sex Guru. Knowing that your friend will give you genuine feedback on your sex skills, you could practice more on him to make it perfect. After doing it probably a year with your friend & one fine day you try to do it on your date, your date would go like "Ah Woo .(Like Shakira song; She Wolf).. Heaven is really a place On Earth!" And thus ... Viola! You're a Sex Guru! A.k.a The Man That Knows It All.

5) Better Love Life. As much as Act Innocent people wants to deny that Love is Not About Sex, but the harsh but yet sweet truth is that, Love Is About Sex. Ok, fine. I shall moderate my thinking & say Good Sex is one of the pillar for a Good Relationship. Care, Share, bluek, bluek again till vomit and others are the other pillars of a good relationship as well.

So there you have it. The 5 Good Reasons of why getting intimate, sex, fore play, banging behind the bush - you name it, with your friends is A-Okay & in fact it is better than to do with some unknowns.

I shall end my Blog this time by stating a some parts of lyrics from one of Lady Gaga Song. It's called Love Game:

I'm on a mission, And it involves some heavy touchin' yeah.
You've indicated your interest,I'm educated in sex, yes.
And now I want it bad,Want it bad. I love game, I love game.

I can see you staring there from across the block
with a smile on your mouth and your hand on your *huh
The story of us it always starts the same with a boy and a girl and a *huh and a game!


Till the next blog, With Loads of Love (Game); Adifazely.

(PS : Please do add yourself by clicking the "Follow" icon on the left side of the page. Much appriciated. -Sincerely, Adifazely)

Oh My Fellow Brothers Across the Borders, What Have you Done.

[ What I have commented here is purely my opinions. References of any facts given are reflected at the bottom of the page. Readers are invited to give their views in the comment box. Please be responsible enough to comment your views moderately. Thank you.]

It was on late Thursday night when I first know about the dispute. I was lying beside my mom on the couch when I got to know of it on Suria repeated news telecast.

My mom suddenly tapped me continuously and was going like, "Adi, Adi . . Watch this. The Malaysians were having dispute over the kalimah "Allah".

"Oh really .. " I then sat up and leaned my body forward to focus more on the news.

My mom and I shared some views and before heading to bed. The last thing I knew was that, the Malaysians had left the matter to Court to decide whether were the Christians allowed to use the kalimah or not.

As I closed my eyes I pondered, "By leaving this matter to the Court, was it the best alternative way to settle the issue?" First of all, the Court as supposed to touch on social issues. How was it possible to favour or judge two parties when it comes to Religion and Beliefs? These are the sensitive issues that I don't think the Court have the ability or right to judge at the first place.

The next morning was warm and bright and as close as to sunny as the Singapore skyline allowed. My eyes were half-opened as I make my way to the toilet to shower & get ready for work. As she stirred the coffee, my mom turned and said "Guess what, the churches got burnt".

"Churches got burnt in Malaysia?" the question kept running through my mind when I was at work. Hmm. It was like, I couldn't digest the fact. How could developed country like Malaysia, where most are educated, allowed this to happen? If this were to happen to developing countries like Indonesia probably I could understand but Malaysia? It was hard for me to accept the fact.

There were many issues that popped up in my mind when I thought of blogging this up. It was messy. For what I concerned most was that, the upcoming consequences from these irresponsible actions. From the factors like racial riots to increasing threats of the terrorists, weren't possible to happen if the Malaysian Authorities do not take good control over this avoidable situation.

Again, these are the things that running through my mind ...


How Could This Happen At the First Place?

1. My Point of View On the Irresponsible Act.

Must it comes to such resort, such as burning of other religion's holy place, to claim in what-you-think is right? For what is Truly Right is that, Islam did not teach us to use any form of violence against others. Importantly, Patience Makes Up Half of Our Faith in Islam. If the irresponsible acts been done by the Muslims there, I'll say, "Shame On You". You simply do not understand the Most Basic teaching of Islam.

2. Why Must the Christians Use kalimah of "Allah"?

Hmm. I wondered. The Christians there may not have the intentions of converting the Muslims, but why on earth would you want to use the kalimah of "Allah" when you know that you are only made up 10% of the whole population and majority are Muslims? I mean like, they should know by doing so, they might confuse some young & naive Muslims there. On top of that, they could be penalized if they are found proselytized the Muslims in certain states. To begin with, the kalimah "Allah" does not even exists in the Bible. Why must they interpret the word God as "Allah" when they can use the word "Tuhan" that is more relevant because, the word "Tuhan" is in Malay Language. I find it ridiculous as they themselves are inviting trouble. But still, they don't deserve to have their church burnt down.

3. Could the Burning of Church Been Done By the Terrorists or Radical Christians?

First of all, it could be the act of terrorists because that was their perfect time to fire-up the tensions & once the Muslims go out of control, it's a good time recruit them to their forces. Secondly, I know it might sound ridiculous, but it could be an act of the Radical Christians. People would do anything to tarnish one's image. Honestly, do you really think the September 11 incident was the work of the Al-Qaeda? Or America themselves were the Al-Qaeda? For ulterior reason; Liquidified-gold.


So What's the Story Next?

Damaged has been done & no point of pointing fingers or making false accusations. I guess the most important thing that the Malaysian Government should do now is that, they should not only tightened up their line of security in the country, but also to promote racial harmony through mutual respect.

If the Malaysian Government does not do anything about it, I fear for the worst. Seriously. Besides concerning of my religion image, I'm also concerned about influx ion of "refugees" if a massive riot were to happen across the borders. On top of that, the terrorists might find their homeland if things get worsen.

I shall end my blog by saying, "Let's Pray for the Best" no matter which religion you're from. Enough of natural disasters that worries us so much, we simply do not need avoidable human disaster.


Till the next blog, with Loads of Love; Adifazely.

(PS : Please do add yourself by clicking the "Follow" icon on the left side of the page. Much appreciated. -Sincerely, Adifazely)

Some Interesting Articles for More Information:

1) Tun Dr Mahathir's Blog
http://chedet.co.cc/chedetblog/2010/01/kontroversi-kegunaaan-kalimah.html#more

2) Leaders Condemn Church Burning Incident In Desa Melawati
http://www.bernama.com/bernama/v5/news_lite.php?id=466965 (Bernama.Com)

3) Malaysia Church Torched Amid Allah Row
http://in.reuters.com/article/worldNews/idINIndia-45233720100107?pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=0

The Silence

(This article is going to be boring-&-dry compared to others. I am going to blabber what I had encounter few weeks back till hours ago. Feel free to press the exit button if you feel that it is going to waste at most 5 minutes of your precious life.)

I was having late "coffee-ing" with my circle of close friends at KTM hours back. We were chatting a couple of hot issues, gossips, rumours and some common stuffs that we would usually talk about during our meet up. I was being myself ;chatting, irritating & inter-framing their conversations when suddenly I had the urged to have my nicotine-intake. I began to tap both sides of my pockets to locate my treasure box. To my surprised, it wasn't in any of the both pockets.

I was like "Where's my cigarettes?"

"You were smoking just now. Where did you placed it?" Daniel replied.

I recalled hard. Yes, I did smoke and remember placing it back in my pants pocket. Where on earth it had disappeared to. I walked around the area in case I had dropped it somewhere else. I was hoping that they would play punk'ed on me & placed it on the table, right before my eyes once I'm back on my seat. Sadly, it didn't happened.

Oh my, I remembered that minutes ago a sweeper had swept around the area & next to my seat. Most probably my inhalers had slipped from my left pocket, which had happened couple of times, & dropped on the floor, thus it had been swept by the sweeper.

Gosh, that period of time, I felt so pissed with myself and being overreacting by making it a big fuss. Sitting quietly with my folded arms , I began to cross my right leg over and shook it hard. I stared sharply to one direction while imagining I was overturning all of the empty tables to vent my anger. Of course it didn't happen. (I can be self-destructive, like a time bomb, when I've gone mad).

I'm making a BIG fuss over it because: That's my last box before my upcoming pay, in days time.

Can't afford to get another as this month, my hard work $$$ had gone to the mall's cashier box. (Read my article on "Shopping with Mr Goldfish")

As the sense of anger still lingering, I remained silence throughout the whole journey back home. But at the midst of anger and being silence, a thought came out to me. I realized that after all these times, I'm just being denial by telling myself that "A New Year is a New Beginning". It was bullshit actually. I still couldn't get over my break up & still depressing about it at times. Hence I had been depending heavily on cigarettes to let go of the stress.

There's when a wisdom strikes me "A New Beginning is When One has a New Thinking". And I realized that, when every time I'm angry and being silence, my senses would come back to me. It would reminds me of the near future or present issues that I should be concerned of. My studies, career and taekwondo.

To: Zahid. As much as I want to heed your advice like having a good time hanging out with you guys to let go my past year bad memories, I just simply can't. The good times I have would only erase the sadness temporarily. (Like the Shopping Spree I had last month) . Once I'm alone, it will haunt me & only me can stop the Monster.

To: Malik. Don't worry dude, I will be fine. Don't need professional help. I believe I'm strong enough to overcome this myself. Only self-progression in the things I do would kill the pain.

To: Rizal. I have already increase the font of the blog. Feedback me if you still can't read it.

To: Daniel. Thanks for the concerned and approached. You're a good friend.

To: Heder. :) Your "Puake-ness" I will miss a lot.

I'll keep blogging, blogging & blogging to keep you guys update for now. I really want to be alone for the time being.




Till the next blog. Loads of Love; Adifazely.